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I want to be the best, the best of the best. I want to be best at whatever it is best to be the best at (this is more accurately descriptive of the drive which I want manifested into action, rather than actually WANTING the rewards that come with being the best... which is often the misconception of what people think they want). To know that you are fully fulfilling your purpose to the best of your ability is much more fulfilling than simply living with rewards that come with being the best.

Truly, it would be depressing to achieve rewards that come with being the best and have an ego increase and lose my substance as well as having no more challenges in life (yikes). Instead, I want to know that I am AT MY LIMIT in terms of carrying out my purpose, that I AM THE BEST I CAN BE (whether or not it means I am actually the best, both outcomes are crosses in their own way), and I want to know that even though I have done my best... THERE IS STILL MORE. Besides, God is the best.. and He will infinitely provide for me like this. I think fulfillment comes more from doing your best for God, but when you try to seek fulfillment from doing the best for yourself... you will suffer a void. That is because the void is missing love, and the truth is love gives.

I want to be better than everyone in older generations for sure, but I very much want for the younger generation and the generations to come to be BETTER than me in every possible and capable way. (in terms of their substance and goodness and authenticity).

I am SO GOOD at empirically getting the meaning of things and understanding the wonder of it, rather than assuming the authentic truth is just a bunch of cliches stuck in angel picture frames next to the cheap book section at the convenient store.

God loves all His children as wonderfully and uniquely as He loves me, but He wants us to realize that it's already true. He wants to give us everything (in the authentic sense), I think that He is already giving me everything!

"This could be all about just letting go
This could be all about just holding on" Bebo Norman

I figured out that you should desire and help everyone's growth (help is totally different than trying to live someone's life for them.. which would be codependent), both friends and enemies. Enemies are those who try to hinder your growth (as they themselves would use their own growth to further self-centered motives or intimidate others... so "projection" should mean they would fear you will do the same thing as them). If you hinder the growth of others, you will become the "badguy" or the "enemy". Help others grow regardless, do not try to control or manipulate anything. If you've helped the wrong person grow, no worries. Their own actions/intentions will determine whether or not they keep growing or encounter a downfall. So you see? Vengeance never belongs to you, you can't judge individual souls. Vengeance belongs to God, you are only a soldier fighting the good fight (all for the glory of God) in the battle of good vs. evil. Focus on yourself and on God. Focus on ensuring that you are good, kind, and doing the right thing. This way, nothing will scare you.

"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." -Proverbs 16:18

"Instead,If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads." -Romans 12:20

"But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!" -Matthew 5:44. (why love them? Because of projection. If you hate them, you'll project that hate onto/about yourself! LOVE them, as much as you would love yourself. Because everything is connected, everything is reflected off of everything! So be careful! Yet loving them doesn't mean you have to be around them! You can love a rose from afar, but sometimes you have to avoid it altogether because it has thorns which will hurt you yes? You can't be the judge as to the real origins of those thorns, neither you nor the person him/herself.)





Everything reflects off everything. The way you act reflects who you are, who you are reflects the way you act, your mind reflects your physical health, your physical health reflects your mind (think happiness versus depression and how they both would effect you mentally/physically), your thoughts about yourself reflect who you are, your thoughts about others reflect thoughts about yourself (and thoughts about yourself reflect who you are), others' thoughts about you reflect who they are, your relationships reflect who you are (and who the other person/s is/are), and it goes on. This is why it is important not to overlook the littlest things which define you (that is: conscious thoughts which over time shape your unconscious thoughts), because it's the little things which define you entirely! Your thoughts. Determined by none other than: you! You can never hold anyone responsible for your thoughts, EVEN if those thoughts are positive. YOU are responsible for YOU, because no one can be you and no one can have your thoughts for you.

Everything reflects off something, and if you were to (although impossible) follow all of the infinite factors of what reflects off of something that reflects off of something that reflects off of something that reflects off of something that reflects off of something that reflects off of something (repeat x infinity), you would find God. So how about this: the more you seek to reflect a source based on God (or a source close to God.. the closer you can get the better) from the awareness level you are at, the more you will reflect substance. It's because God is the source, He is even the source of who you are. No one else can be this source.

A fulfilled life will be (at the very source) one between you and God, not between you or anyone else. To base your life or have it reflect on someone/something other than God/yourself allows for the possibility of codependency, or letting someone/something live your life for you which may be possessive or growth-stunting. When someone tries to live your life for you, you lose confidence in your own feelings/perceptions. You forget to trust your own judgment. The same goes when you try to live someone else's life for them, or when you have pity for them. Their growth is stunted, because they lose confidence in their judgments/ideas/thoughts/feelings/senses/perceptions/etc and eventually.. their sense of self.

Pity is not love, possession is not love, codependency is not love. However, mutual growth is love whether that is between spouses, good friends, acquaintances, siblings, parent and child, child and grandparent, etc... (even in a group of friends people can only connect two at a time). You can only really be inherently one with God, including literally being one in flesh with Christ when receiving the Eucharist (although spousal love is the closest analogy in the sense that they too are literally one in flesh, and so therefore spouses must be committed-lifelong as the result of vows made in Church and flesh... unless abuse is involved and Church annulment is granted), everything else on earth is only a facet (yet some very amazing facets.. I should emphasize) of the romance between you and God. EVEN without experience of spousal analogy (which is merely an analogy for God's thorough love), God gives of Himself in the Eucharist. And He more than makes up for the desires of His beloved children. All of them, every single individual who will simply allow Him (letting go). Us, humans.

So the way to love others in the world who you interact with at various levels, is to desire that they be in a place where they will most grow/fluorish (as well as yourself) in that lifelong romance with God, and it is good to help others cultivate that process. (I say "lifelong" because I'm pretty sure that I won't need a livejournal to keep track of my thinking patterns in Heaven, and in Heaven a romance with God wouldn't be something I'd have to "figure out" either).

In addition: recall that people don't always know what they want (no matter how much or how often they insist that they do!). This most certainly includes yourself! Are we not still the same children we were many years ago, when we insisted we NEEDED SO MUCH some toy on that shelf.. only to find we are bored of it a week later?

I am writing this, because I have this annoying inclination in me to give into what friends/family members/EVEN what others who are less fortunate than me want (psychologically speaking, that is. Don't worry, my philosophies aren't going to cause me to deprive the homeless person of a few bucks in their cup now and then.. I am still financially charitable to the poor thank you very much). I codependently give into what others want, and what happens? They are not only unfulfilled, but they become bored of me!!! What have I learned? I have learned that I am NOT responsible for their thoughts! Even if I tried to be, I couldn't! It's not possible!

Only God knows. What to do? Line up your wants (and others' wants) with God, and trust HIS plans above all. "This is what I want God, this is what such and such wants, but Your will be done."

I'm preeeeeetty sure I'm on track here, on what it means to love yourself as well as others. I confess I'm going by gut instincts, I need to do some real philosophical research. Yet I get by with my quirky phases, and I learned that I grow when I accept that. And it's OK.

My new motto: try not to ever do/say/think anything you don't want others to know about. Be honest about yourself and who you are in your growth process, although initiation of this is usually most difficult. Follow this, and you'll almost begin to enjoy going to confession because of how (at the very least generally) good you are. I feel like this would also increase confidence, and decrease possibility for shame/guilt/paranoia/nervousness/what have you. I mean really, what doesn't cause me to feel guilty? This should help me. In addition if I have a very established sense of self, it would be much easier to defend myself. Because I wouldn't even have to try to defend myself, necessarily. I would just be myself, and that would be enough.

*figuring it out* I declare that I will postpone being a grownup until I'm 23. I'm almost finished, BUT I'M NOT FINISHED YET. I'm still wobbly.

I may be a hypochondriac when it comes to psychological diagnoses, but at least I'm a proactive hypochondriac.

I don't take things as personally as I used to (which surprised even me). I've learned that if everything is personal (since the world consists of persons and is run by/for persons), then how can it be personal anymore? Nothing is personal, because everything is personal. Therefore nothing is actually personal. (I know it's weird, but it's true).

I'm convinced most everything you need to know is already in your heart, but sometimes we're so used to dirt that we don't have anything to compare the dirt to. That is where learning to shape a good conscience comes in, in other words learning to articulate what feels right. It's usually not a coincidence when the tools for this are accessible.

When trying to live for purpose, I like to ask myself the question: "If not me, then who?" Whenever I am confused, I like to ask myself the question: "What do you want?"

Answer to life = Jesus Christ. I'm also Catholic, which means I pray to Mary.

Praying to Mary and the saints is not specifically mentioned in the Bible, but neither is the idea that the Bible is the only source of Divine Revelation.

If you're Protestant, buh-ring it. *finger-snap-in-z-format* Just give me a month, a study Bible, and 10 more Catholic-apologetic books.

Life is made entirely up of details. You never do get to the "real stuff". The little things are all that matter.

What would happen, if I could honestly say that I truly gave my all? Regardless of the outcome, what would happen if I truly could believe that I gave my all? Without much consideration for results? I know I can't say this now, but what would happen if I got to the point where I could say, "I gave my all, I am giving my all in life. In fact, I am giving my life."

What would happen?

I know I didn't have a very great start, in fact I often feel like I have nothing. But that's not the point.. is it?

Besides, Sue. Would not your effort give others hope?



http://www.librarything.com/profile/allthings_new

http://greenlightwiki.com/lenore-exegesis/How_to_Experience_Different_Function-Attitudes

http://www.cognitiveprocesses.com/index.html

http://wapedia.mobi/en/Socionics#2

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/02/27/doodle.research/




Thank you to: augustine for giving me the gift of a paid account. Very kind of you!



Never underestimate the value of dumb questions (provided they are truth seeking), and you will go far. :D







"..all You ever wanted..."

"Focus not on your smallness, but rather on His greatness." -?

Nothing is for certain, except God (love).



Quotes by St. Thérèse of Lisieux
"I have not the courage to force myself to seek beautiful prayers in books; not knowing which to choose I act as children do who cannot read; I say quite simply to the good God what I want to tell Him, and He always understands me."

"We live in an age of inventions. We need no longer climb laboriously up flights of stairs; in well-to-do houses there are lifts. And I was determined to find a lift to carry me to Jesus, for I was far too small to climb the steep stairs of perfection. So I sought in holy Scripture some idea of what this life I wanted would be, and I read these words: "Whosoever is a little one, come to me." It is your arms, Jesus, that are the lift to carry me to heaven. And so there is no need for me to grow up: I must stay little and become less and less."

"Our Lord needs from us neither great deeds nor profound thoughts. Neither intelligence nor talents. He cherishes simplicity."

"How sweet is the way of Love! True, one may fall, one may not be always faithful, but Love, knowing how to draw profit from all, very quickly consumes whatsoever may displease Jesus, leaving naught but humble and profound peace in the innermost soul."

"Forget all that is not Jesus; forget yourself for love of Him. ♥"

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